Attachment and Relationships: How Early Bonds Shape Adult Connection

Have you ever noticed that your relationships sometimes feel more complicated than they should? Maybe you pull away when things get too close, or cling tightly out of fear of being abandoned. Perhaps you’re always the one giving, but struggle to feel secure receiving care in return.

These patterns are often connected to attachment.

What is Attachment?

Attachment describes the emotional bonds we form with others, beginning in childhood. The way we were cared for (or not cared for) shapes how safe, valued, and connected we felt in those early years. From this, we unconsciously learn whether people can be trusted, whether our needs matter, and whether it’s safe to rely on others.

How Early Attachment Shapes Adult Relationships.

Those early lessons don’t disappear as we grow up. Instead, they quietly influence our adult relationships. You might fear rejection, feel you have to earn love, or struggle to believe closeness will last. Others may find themselves avoiding intimacy altogether, feeling safest at a distance.

These are examples of attachment patterns, they're not fixed labels, but ways of relating that can shift and change over time.

Therapy and Attachment

Therapy offers a safe space to notice these patterns and understand where they come from. Just as importantly, it provides the chance to experience a different kind of relationship: one built on safety, respect, and care.

Through this process, it becomes possible to:

• Develop more trust in others

• Set healthier boundaries

• Feel worthy of love without having to “perform” for it

• Build relationships that feel more secure and balanced

Attachment Isn’t Fixed

We all carry our attachment history with us, but it doesn’t have to define the future. With reflection and support, attachment patterns can shift. Therapy can help you move towards connection that feels safe, fulfilling, and lasting.

If something here resonates, you’re very welcome to email me with any questions - info@michaelonslowtherapy.co.uk - or arrange a free consultation to see if I might be the right therapist for you.