When self-criticism and low self-esteem become a way of coping.

For many people, self-criticism and low self-esteem feel strangely safe. It can even seem useful as a way of keeping yourself in check, staying motivated, or avoiding mistakes. But over time, that inner voice that tells you to do better or try harder can become relentless, leaving you anxious, drained and unsure of your own worth.

You might recognise the pattern of replaying conversations in your head, cringing at something you said, or feeling you’re never quite enough. On the surface it can look like high standards, but underneath there’s often fear of being judged, rejected or letting someone down.

Self-criticism and low self-esteem are often learned early on. If you grew up feeling you had to be good in order to be loved or to avoid conflict, turning the blame inward may have been a way to stay safe. It gave you a sense of control because ‘if I’m the problem, then maybe I can fix it’. For some, it’s also a way of protecting the situation when someone else, such as a parent or caregiver, is behaving harmfully. Believing it’s your fault can feel safer than facing the reality that the person you depend on is hurting you. Over time, that coping strategy can become deeply ingrained, even when it no longer serves you.

Therapy offers a space to slow that cycle down, to notice when the critical voice appears and begin to understand what it’s trying to protect you from. Often there’s something tender underneath, perhaps shame, grief or a longing to be accepted as you are. As we bring warmth and curiosity to what you’re going through, the need for harsh self-judgement starts to ease.

You don’t have to silence the inner critic overnight. Real change begins with gentle awareness and recognising that the part of you that is so critical is also the part that wants you to be safe. In therapy, that voice can begin to soften, allowing compassion and confidence to take its place.

If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many people carry that invisible pressure to be perfect, while struggling with anxiety, low self-esteem or the weight of old expectations. Reaching out doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means you’re ready to turn to kindness rather than criticism.

If this resonates with you, you’re welcome to get in touch or arrange a first conversation. Sometimes that first step of simply reaching, out can make things begin to shift.

info@michaelonslowtherapy.co.uk