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Working with Relationships and Attachment

Relationships are often where emotional difficulties become most visible.

 

You might find yourself drawn into the same patterns with partners, friends, or family, even when you are trying to do things differently. Perhaps closeness feels intense or unsettling, distance feels painful, or you struggle to know where you stand with others. You may long for connection while also feeling wary of it, or notice yourself adapting, holding back, or becoming overly attuned to other people’s needs.

 

These experiences can be confusing, especially when insight alone has not been enough to bring change.

Relationship patterns and attachment

The ways we relate to others do not appear out of nowhere. They are formed gradually, often through early experiences of closeness, separation, reliability, and care.

 

Attachment is not about labelling you or placing you into a category. It offers a way of understanding how you learned to manage emotional closeness, how you protect yourself in relationships, and what has come to feel familiar, risky, or necessary when it comes to connection.

 

For some people, this involves anxiety around being left or rejected. For others, it involves pulling away, staying self-reliant, or finding closeness overwhelming. Many people move between these positions, depending on the relationship or situation.

When relationships feel hard work

People often come to therapy when relationships begin to feel effortful or draining. You might notice yourself overthinking interactions, feeling responsible for how others feel, or unsure whether you are allowed to want what you want. You may find yourself questioning whether you are too much, not enough, or asking for the wrong things.

 

Over time, these patterns can affect self-worth and make it difficult to feel secure and settled with others.

How I work with relationship difficulties

In our work together, we will focus on how relationships are actually experienced, both in your life and within the therapy itself. The therapeutic relationship allows patterns to show themselves as they happen, not only through reflection or explanation.

 

I will work with you to understand how you have learned to relate, what has felt safe or unsafe, and how earlier experiences continue to influence expectations, reactions, and choices in the present.

 

Therapy will not ask you to force change or override ways of relating that have developed for good reasons. As these patterns become clearer and better understood, new responses often begin to emerge naturally, bringing a greater sense of choice and emotional freedom in relationships.

Relationships and anxiety

Relationship difficulties and anxiety often overlap. You may feel particularly anxious around closeness, conflict, or uncertainty with others. These experiences are understood as connected, rather than treated in isolation.

 

You may find it helpful to also read my page Working with Anxiety, where I explore how anxiety can develop and be maintained within relationships.

What can change

As relationship patterns become clearer, many people begin to feel less trapped in familiar roles and reactions. Over time, it often becomes easier to tolerate closeness, express needs, and feel more at ease in connection with others.

 

Change in relationships is usually gradual, but it can be deeply felt, both in how you relate to others and in how you experience yourself.

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